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Thursday, April 29, 2004

Hilarious.

The preferred method of achieving my goals is a Kalishnakov-pattern rifle, yet I ask you not cause me to engage in otherwise embarassing or counterproductive behaviors. You and I would likely grapple in close combat, and on a consistent basis am victorious in other such contests. Using other measures of elapsed time, even the most ignorant of citizens would ideally conclude my city of origin is Compton, California. And those same citizens would most assuredly choose to avoid conflict with me, inasmuch as I am from Compton. When I do leave Compton, and might find myself in your city of origin, do please find a way to place your vital bits out of the immediate danger I may represent, as I am extraordinarily mentally challenged and, therefore, highly unpredictable."

Head to Norbizness for mo' of the same.

ABC Worthy of a Stab in the Collective Eye.


The program is a remarkable opportunity to live through the heart wrenching, poignant and extremely difficult days of Jessica's decision — for her, and for the families involved. For the record, we should say that 20/20 simply reports what happened: we did not choose the participants nor exert any influence on what they did. This is not one of those scripted "reality shows" — it is reality!


The network that brought you Urkel, now brings you this.

Pure cultural gold.


We Made It Baby...oh Gosh...I'd Like to Thank Everybody......

Yes, all you goons made the list. Congrats.

Next time you have to decide between regional transit and lung cancer, emphysema, and asthma maybe you'll choose transit and some - yes some - regulation of filthy industries. Oh yes, let us not forget the age old dilemma of a new tax-payer-funded pro sports stadium or transit.

Pure genius.

For you brainiacs that don't like raw data and like to have Wolf Blitzer spin it for you, go here. I hear Lou Dobbs is attributing this to "shipping jobs to India."

(Looks like somebody is in a bad mood today huh?)

Mercury: Problems Can Certainly be Fixed by Markets - Like Everything Else.

From the Monitor:

Last fall a federal advisory committee on power-plant mercury was on the verge of recommending cuts of up to 90 percent in utility mercury emissions and a cap of five tons for the industry by 2008. But the Bush administration sidestepped the task force, proposing an alternative "cap and trade" approach that would reduce mercury emissions 70 percent by 2018.

The article, Mercury Rising, is here.

Some fairly simple Google searching comes up with a few things. First, this article on Mercury in nature and how it mingles in the food-chain and the risks it presents. Next is this article from the FDA notifying women of the risks inherent in eating certain types of fish.

I'm really happy that we're moving so fast to fix this with a market-based solution. You know, the same market-based system that created the problem in the first place.

Just remember: More Bush = More Mercury. Of course, I don't remember hearing Kerry pounding the podium on environmental issues - ever. And then there is the press mixed in with the lazy American public for a powerful combination.

Here's a bargain: As long as the government tells us when Lake St. Clair is teeming with shit (actual fecal matter) we are fine. At least we can avoid the lake on those days. As long as the state tells us which fish not to eat (so we can avoid mentally retarded children) we can still afford to pollute our waterways.

You get what you deserve fuckers....You get what you deserve.

Jackie Harvey.

Jackie's column is one of my favourite's over at The Onion. Here's the reason and here is a snip from said reason:

I heard that if you watch The Wizard Of Oz while listening to Dark Half Of The Moon by Pink, it'll blow your mind. I don't own any Pink CDs, and my Betamax copy of Wizard Of Oz is worn clear through, so I need to invest a little capital if I'm going to try this.

Enjoy!

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

I'm busy.

...so stop fucking hassling me about blogging. Yes, I do want to comment on Karen Hughes' crazy ass as well as other stuff. Just too busy.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Gay Man-love and Baseball, Together at Last.

Fans of the theatre and fans of said theatre that don't mind a little male frontal nudity - ok, a fair amount - should look into, "Take Me Out."

Written by Richard Greenberg (Three Days of Rain and The Dazzle), Take Me Out won the 2003 Tony award for Best Play. It is certainly worth your time...if your into that sort of thing.


Dirty Harry: Valuable History.

...Or at least someone things so. Like these guys.

What am I talking about? Check out this listing - Row C3- 12, The "History" Channel.


Update: The link to the TV Listings has changed. The link was to demonstrate the fact that the History Channel was showing "Dirty Harry" with Clint Eastwood. ...I thought it was hysterical - in a depressing way.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Red Wings, New Stereolab Record, Boobies Excite Ober.

Plus, Morrissey is to release a new record May 18th! Exciting.

Shit I Didn't Know...Until Now.

Though the U.S. says the men were seized on Afghan battlefields, at least six were taken in Bosnia - in violation of Bosnian court orders. Two others were British residents arrested while on a business trip in Gambia.

It is an Op-Ed piece, so I am a smidge skeptical. Anybody know anything about these blokes?

Guardian Article on Christian Fundumentalism in the U.S.

This makes me sleep better at night.....zzzzzzzzzzzz....zzzzzzzzzzz....zzzzzzzzz...zzzzzzz....oh shit! Was that the Rapture? Did I miss it?

Will His Honourable, Herr Doctor, Lord Fisslebottom Go To Heaven?

One may find out by going here.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Nader On Democrats.

The Democrats can not be relied on to win exclusively anymore. They have been losing for ten years to the worst of the Republican Party. They have become very good at electing very bad republicans. ... They are not changing their game plan, they are not even like a football coach, behind in the third quarter you make adjustments. There is no sign they are making adjustments ..."


More here.

Monday, April 19, 2004

"9/11 Changed Everything."

If you have ever seen a "Scott McClellan Joint" otherwise referred to as a White House press conf., then you know what I'm talking about.

That quote, is the response I predict this will get. Either that or, "I haven't read the book yet."


Email from Ober's Mommy. "Dr." Laura Love Letters.

Got this from Mom. Hilarious....but well put.

On her radio show recently, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22,
and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an
open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the
Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:


Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with
as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it to be an abomination. ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of
God's Law and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I
tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of
mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2.
The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27.
How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't
we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Utter Right-Wing Confusion.

***In best movie trailer voice*** In a world where people can't find the nations they are bombing on a map, one man, Mike Austin, helps blur the issues further. By mixing the "War on Terror" (in theatres soon) and the war in Iraq together, Austin has developed a highly dangerous combination: blind dogmatic faith, rabid nationalism, and fanatical partisanship. Mixed together, all hell is going to break loose. ***exit to action scenes of shit blowing up.***

Notice the trick in this editorial. Lack of nuance, blurring the issues together and the loose use of quotes.

Try this:

.....and sincere, unbiased queries like "have you failed...", "how do you explain.. how you got that so wrong?", "you never admit a mistake", and "are you prepared to give [the American people an apology]?".

Wow, those execute-first-ask-questions-later Taliban trials in Afghanistan should've striven for such bitter, already-drawn-conclusions, judgmental speechmaking. This isn't grilling, it's persecuting.


Now go read the transcript and notice the reporters were asking about Iraq not Afghanistan. What an asshole. ...or is Iraq considered the War on Terror? Judging by that Fox "News" trailer it is.....but shit, I can't tell anymore.

I'm wondering what Austin would like our 4th estate lap dogs to do. Perhaps they should kneel in reverence?

I think it was Cliff Burton that wrote, "When a man lies he murders some part of the world..."

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Nose Hair, Snow Threaten to Ruin Team Ober Spring Training.

Well, spring training is here and Team Ober has moved to the mountainous terrain of Colorado. After taking the entire team across the country we ran into a blizzard in Garden City, KS. We did our best to brave the blizzard and arrived at camp on Friday night. Saturday was a scratch but Ober's trainer had him on the machine to adjust to the 6,600 ft of altitude. Nice job Dr. Ornsky - and to think he missed most of Passover for us!

As the weather broke and the snow melted (about 8 inches worth) on Monday we started unpacking the gear. After taking to the first 30 ft of the trails, the bikes were bogged down in red Colorado mush! Back to the drawing boards. So we did some simple hill training. Today, we managed to squeeze in some solid trail riding. The Cake 2 DLX was tight in suspension and had some serious over-steer. After meeting with our technical staff we have made changes to the saddle, rebound, suspension pressure, and a host of other things. In other words, we completely overhauled the bike. Hopefully that will save our star rider, The Captain, from any further wrecks.

However, this whole excursion has been ruined. The morning, said star rider, Captain Ober, discovered a nose hair. As he is too young, in his mind at least, to have such hair in such a place, this was a highly disturbing incident. The team trainer and psychologist have been summoned and hopefully we can have this thing nipped in the bud - so to speak.

Tomorrow the team heads to Colorado Springs for more open riding. With temps in the 60's to 80's and the ground drying out, things are starting to look pretty good. Maybe we can get some hockey in and show these mountain goats how to play - Motown style beotch!

More to come.

Open Debates Files IRS Complaint Against CPD, 16 Citizens Interested.

Our friends over at Opendabates.org (you have been there right?) have filed a complaint against the Commission for Presidential Debates. Seems the rabble-rousers over there don't think John Kerry and George Bush give the people enough choice. Crazy I say!

"The CPD violates Section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code, which forbids such organizations from participating or intervening in political campaigns on behalf of any candidate for public office. Instead of engaging in nonpartisan voter education, the CPD executes the joint demands of the Republican and Democratic nominees concerning the presidential debates, and shields the Republican and Democratic nominees from public accountability."


Hilarious!


Friday, April 09, 2004

Team Ober Makes Last Minute Sponsorship Change.

After 5 years of riding Cannondale mountain bikes, I have decided to send my money elsewhere. Specifically, I have decided to ride Gary Fisher bikes this year.

There were a few things that brought this on. First, I have always had trouble getting service on Cannondale bikes. They use very proprietary technology that requires specialized attention. Most recently, while attempting to rebuild my wheels for this season, I stumbled upon the fact that I would need to buy special, expensive hubs to match my new wheels. Second, Cannondale has chosen to design their bikes "differently." I don't have a problem with that. But when that difference means a constant need for service and continued frustration, you can forget it. Putting open-ended cable tubes near the bottom bracket is a recipe for disaster. How a top-of-the-line bike manufacturer, on a second generation model could make this mistake is beyond me. Finally, Cannondale, until recently, has made strange choices using questionable components on expensive bikes. When I drop $2k on a bike I expect good components.

So there you have it. Maintenance, reliability, and parts. All shortcomings of Cannondale.

What will Team Ober be using this season? The Gary Fisher Cake 2DLX.
I found the Cake 2 line to be mature, light weight, have great components, and have a simple, common sense based design. The suspension is superior, well supported by mechanics across the country, and highly customizable. With Hayes 9 hydraulic brakes and a suprisingly high-quality saddle, I couldn't resist. Shimano XT components (on mine) sealed the deal.

While I'm not ready to offer an endorsement yet, I can tell you, that I shopped around and found Gary Fisher to be the best for me - at least for now.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Scalia Gives Speech on Constitution - Destroys Tapes. Irony Rich.

How bizarre.

Monday, April 05, 2004

History Rewritten CNN Style.

The incompetence of our media is staggering. Read this article about Alanis Morissette's response to Nipple-gate.

Then check out this quote from CNN:

The satirical act, says Morissette, was aimed at U.S. government institutions for over-reacting to cultural, free expression, as a result of the fallout surrounding Janet Jackson's Super Bowl faux pas, when her breast was accidentally exposed to millions of television viewers.


Accidentally huh? Interesting take. I don't remember anybody saying it was an accident...that is except CNN.

Great job ya bunch o' fucks.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

Ludlow Massacre.

Talking with Koppelman last night, the topic of the Ludlow Massacre came up in the context of Howard Zinn's fantastic A People's History of the United States.

The Ludlow Massacre took place in 1914, about 15 miles from where I grew up in Southern Colorado. Here are links to Ludlow Massacre info: To Wikipedia., to UMWA, to PBS' American Experience, and to Red Robin @ tripod.

I can remember taking field trips to Ludlow. Being in the 4th and 5th grades however, the full impact of what happened there never registered. By the time I was indoctrinated by the public high schools, the topics of workers rights, unions, the cause of labour, and corporate power were buried behind text books that glossed over "other" events. Meanwhile, Ludlow was still out there - just up I-25. Meanwhile CF&I was closing its Steel Mills in Pueblo. The 2 mines left in our region - out of about 40 or 50 - where closing and the "lazy union miners" were striking because safety had taken a back seat and wages were shrinking. Meanwhile we were living an extension of history. The history of Southern Colorado. The history of Labour. A history in which the publisher of our school text books wasn't interested.

So check out the links above. It is a history of people that I knew. A history that my teachers and neighbors lived. A history that took place in the very company town in which I was raised. But unfortunately, it's a history that seems less important to those that would decide what we learn - what we remember. As Zinn would say, Southern Colorado's is a people's history.

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